4 weeks ago
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
My Candidate for President in 2008
For those of you who would like another choice for President, I have I'm sure...........the best solution:It is probably time we have a woman as President. My choice, and I hope is yours as well I have a very special Lady that has all the answers to our problems.PLEASE give it a thought when you have a moment............MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT.
1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......
2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my a**!"
3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
4.Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
5. Maxine on "The Perfect Man" - 'All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
6. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."
7. Maxine on "Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the ass twice."
8. Maxine on "Aging" -"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large Margarita."
Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.
The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Kia.
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
As usual, if you don't forward this to 10 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will fall off. Really... it's true! Have I ever lied to you
"So don't forget.........come November 2008 - - - VOTE FOR MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. No one better for the job."